Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Good Point About Anonymity

One of my favorite weekly events is reading Town Talk in the local Suburban Journal. Generally, it's the older folks' rant column featuring such gripes as "Will the owner of the dog in the 3400 block of Ivanhoe please get it to stop barking all night??!!" It's so damn funny, I've considered Podcasting it weekly. Nearly all posts are posted with no name and occasionally with sarcastic or helpful retorts from the Editor.

This week, an astute Affton resident wrote in to try to change that policy. See the letter here. As a regular reader of the column, I think it would become much less fun to read, and while I understand and agree with the writer's point, I think that Town Talk is a safe way for citizens to vent frustrations. I certainly rather them vent in the column rather than yelling or gesturing from their cars.


At 1:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It has long been rumored in the annals of Town Talk that Crestwood seeks to annex Affton and make it a “subservient town” where Crestwoodian Jailors would allow Those Who Have Been Captured to roam freely on our soil. (Currently, they are roaming Crestwood Mall… but other inside sources say Crestwood Mall is to be redeveloped into Dollywood North – in effect doubling the world’s supply of Dolly Parton-themed parks.)

I have long thought this was a bunch of foohy. (And I don’t mean the children’s markers.) But a recent visit to the Sappington Farmer’s Market gave me pause. While shopping for beats and sprouts, I unassumingly eavesdropped on the conversation of two men -- safe to assume they were Crestwoodian Secret Police. Although their conversation seemed to be in Bosnian, I could tell that they were plotting against Affton and intended to use it as a barrierless prison for their criminals.

I immediately called my local police force, who assured me that they would look into it. I have not heard back from them. Meanwhile, last Saturday, I found hanging in garage, an effigy of John Goodman’s character from the hit comedy King Ralph.

My questions are twofold, Mr. Aspiring Mayor: How will you raise an army capable of delivering victory from the imminent invasion from Crestwood? And what plans do you have for luring Dollywood North to take up resident in Affton? (I have long thought that Oakland House and the surrounding area/cemetery would make a fine setting for a country-and-western themed amusement parks.)

The concerned citizens of Affton await your response. And your action.

At 3:06 PM, Blogger Mayor of Affton said...

I have to disagree that an invasion of Affton is imminent. First let me point out that I have been assured that the Bosnian community is PRO-AFFTON albeit not anti-Crestwood. The population data and sudden increase in the number of loud exhaust pipes in Affton substantiate this assertion. I personally am a big fan of the Bosnian community and hope their craftsmanship, enthusiasm and desire to "pimp their ride" continue to help revitalize the Affton business community at large.

Secondly, the Affton Secret Police are FAR smarter than those in Crestwood. The very idea that such talk would go on in a place as public as the Market proves it.

Representatives of the Affton community have been in touch with the Westfield folks and they assure us that Crestwood Mall is not for sale, but they would consider redevelopment proposals. Personally I think most of the vacant parking lot should be turned into a multi-modal transportation hub since it is largely served by buses anyway.

We would be happy to enteratain the idea of Dollywood North, however the Affton Strategic Plan calls for redevelopment primarily in the Gravois Rd. business corridor. While I am pro-Dolly, I doubt the lack of highway access would fit her business model and if it WERE developed, traffic generated from tourists would pack our fair streets tighter than Ms. Parton's bra. I'm afraid Affton would have to pass on that one as there are better ways to spend our money. Thanks for the comment!

At 12:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What I hate is people who complain about Town Talk and never take the time to write their complaints to the paper. Usually, they are uppity, smart know-it-all kids that have no place in society. We should bring back euthanasia.

And what is that thing coming out of your back?

At 3:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"What I hate is people who complain about Town Talk and never take the time to write their complaints to the paper. Usually, they are uppity, smart know-it-all kids that have no place in society. We should bring back euthanasia."

The combination of your grouchiness, unfounded claims, paranoia, and lack of logic identify you as an avid Town Talker.

At 3:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is no Mayor in Affton, but I heard about you and I was interested in you...and your enthusiasm about our area. It turns out your just looking for a place on th www to glorify yourself and put down others.

Please separate your aggressive and negative "campaign" from Affton. We have enough to cleanup and you continue to promote and glorify the negative image that we are trying so hard to get away from. If you really want to be the Mayor of us what you can offer!!!

Show us what you can do for Affton.

At 4:19 PM, Blogger Mayor of Affton said...

If by "no mayor in Affton" you mean there is someone other than me who desires the position. I say "bring it on".

I am very pleased that you stopped in. I understand you think I'm out for personal glory. Well, a blog is not the place I'd choose to do that, and it would not do anybody much good to run for Mayor anonymously (for then you would not have the opportunity to vote for me!) I suppose I could run as "anomymous" as I believe there is legal precident for that, but I would not think it in the best interest of Affton.

Clearly I have a few wisenhiemers posting here, but I'm merely trying to stir a pot that needs stirrin' before this chili of a town gets all dark and charred to the bottom of the County's chili pot. Lately, I'm wondering if the fire's even on under the proberbial pot! Clearly it is in other areas of the County.

I don't believe my camapign to be a negative one. What is, in your opinion, the negative image of Affton that I am promoting? I'll make it multiple choice for you:

A) We have a ton of old folks living here.
B) We have too many white people here.
C) We have too many white trash "hoosiers" living here.
D) We have too many loud cars here.
E) We have no geographical or commercial center on which we have capatilized to attract new business to the area in 40 years.
F) The summer festival of Affton called "AFFTON DAYS" is actually a one-day affair.

Did that cover most of the issues? These too are MY issues and that's just five of the reasons why you should vote for me!

At 4:21 PM, Blogger Mayor of Affton said...

Dang, actually that was SIX reasons you should vote for me!

At 5:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is a movement underway. And I do hope, Mr. Future Mayor, that our movement will have your support and endorsement. Since the interstate highway-ization of what was known as America's Mother Road, of course I'm talking about Rt. 66, has been turned into an ugly traffic-ridden entity known as I---44, the road of Watson/Chippewa/Satan's Passage has claimed itself as the one and only HISTORIC Rt. 66. Well, let me tell you and all to read, this is simply not the case nor is it true. What is true is that this road once was a business bypass of the MOTHER ROAD, henceforth to known as God's Moustache, but was mostly just an alleyway for aspiring trans-hookers to make their way in the world. The TRUE route sixty six is what is today known as Gravois. How this has been lost on our youngest generations, I will never know, but I now vow to my Soul and to those who have preceeded my glory, that I will right this wrong. I am employing a high-powered ADVERTISEMENT firm to help me show people the Light and the Truth about this epidemic, and help Gravois become renamed Route 66. As such I seek redemption a spoils for the wrongdoings of those who have led so many astray by characterizing Chippewa as the MOther ROaD. How wrong they were! How sorry they will be when I exalt Gravois!!!! Join me or die.

At 8:52 AM, Blogger Mayor of Affton said...

Fair commenter,

While Rt. 66 does align with I-44, it does not do so until you are leaving Sunset Hills headed westward. Further the only time Rt. 66 aligns with Gravois is downtown as you go southwest on Tucker. You quickly make a right on to Chippewa.

Throughout Affton and most of St. Louis County, it aligns with Chippewa/Watson. Good luck with the ad campaign.

At 8:56 AM, Blogger Not Jennifer Gibbs said...

Seriously: what is that thing coming out of your back? Is it some sort of shoulder puffda?

At 9:56 AM, Blogger ellidew said...

Town Talk should be kept around for no other reason than it was effective at quieting the church bells on Mackenzie (near Heege) that would ring louder than the non-working tornado sirens at 6:00 in the morning. The sound has now been softened and they no longer ring at such an early hour allowing us to sleep just a little bit longer until the alarm clock goes off.

Thank you Town Talk complainers!


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