Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Affton: Home of the Cougars

While I'm certain (based on the headline) that you are hoping for information about the incredible athletic teams of Affton Schools (whose mascot is in fact the Cougar,) this is about a cougar of another kind. Today is the birthday of the eldest sister of the Future Mayor. Today's post is dedicated to her. She lives in Boston and has made me aware of an unusual urban phenomenon in her workplace which I plan to exploit into an economic development strategy to catalyze Affton's economy. Stay with me as I outline the plan...

Apparently the term "cougar" is used in reference to business-minded women who chose career over marriage and prefer to hunt for the company of men at least 8 years their junior. They want to be with younger men and make no bones about it. This movement has become so big that they seem to be a semi-organized group on sites like Lori (pictured) is an authority on the subject and answers questions submitted to There is even a book on the topic. These women hang out in specific bars to prey on young men and sometimes hunt in packs. To dumb it down for us newbies, I can point to the character portrayed by Kim Cattrall on TV's Sex and the City as a cougar role model. That should paint the picture for you. The cougars hunt their prey in places called "dens". Your Future Mayor is troubled at the fact that Missouri does not have ONE place officially listed as a cougar den in the entire state! I hear opportunity knocking!

My plan for Affton is to create a welcoming atmosphere for the cougars. I can think of no better place suited for this in the country than Affton (HOME of the Cougars already, mind you!) While Affton does have a large group of seniors in the community, we also have an abundance of young, blue collar men who either workout or perform manual labor as a means of making a living. I further propose that these powerful, single women will not only keep the young men of Affton happy, but will choose to relocate their homes and businesses here with small incentives from the local government. This will be a HUGE economic advantage for our area and a market demographic that is not being courted by any other municipality (except maybe Clayton.) Affton has plenty of land opportunities to locate new businesses. The recently vacated Nestle plant on Heege for one, could become a Class A business park.

These women will have large disposable incomes to spend in Affton and the St. Louis area. They will invest in housing, create new businesses ancillary to being a cougar (such as tanning salons and plastic surgeons), and are revered for getting involved in philanthropic endeavors which will help our senior citizens.

I posit that the following bars in or near the Affton area would already make EXCELLENT dens for the inbound cougars in the following order:
**House of Rock in Ronnie's Plaza (also home of the band The Well Hungarians)
**The Ten Mile House
**George's Route 66 Bar
and possibly **Schottzie's Bar & Grill

This is a WIN-WIN and I hope you agree! Remember, I'd appreciate your vote on April 4.


At 10:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where can I get me one of those urban cougars? I could actually use two - one for me and my younger brother.

At 12:40 PM, Blogger Mayor of Affton said...

This just in from an old friend, repaitriated to Santa Cruz:

Greetings Dear Sir,

It has recently come to my attention that you are currently engaged in
a campaign for the mayoral position in the municipality of Affton, MO.
It should come as no surprise to you that you are now being contacted by
my office in an effort to fully and completely support you in your
endeavors. Please now count on my continued support and please consider
any talents I may posses to be at your disposal in your historic run for
the Affton mayorship. Though I am no longer a resident of Affton, if I
were, I would be sure to vote twice for you. Please feel free to contact
my office if we may be of any future service to you or your campaign.
Good luck Sir, and Godspeed.


Joseph S Carenza III

At 7:14 PM, Anonymous Victoria said...

Thanks for the recommendation of the Ten Mile House -- as the PR person for the bar, we always appreciate any publicity we can get. However, in the effort to promote Affton, why is a Lindbergh bar listed first? We have made vast improvements in the past 144 years.... and we are the perfect place for those single ladies to find a man - the bar is home to tons of male regulars always looking for a lady friend.

At 9:46 AM, Blogger Mayor of Affton said...

I wrestled with that too, Victoria, but from an outsider's perspective, House of Rock has the Urban Cougar racket hands down if they want it. The Ten Mile House (a respectable establishment which I was at just this week) is a great place, but to gain the top spot, you are missing things that make the scene: 1) the Joe Dirt Band and the Well Hungarians 2) more chrome and most importantly, 3) trashy pictures of the Cougar bartenders (some in their underwear) on your web site. If you look at House of Rock's "Photos" section and click on the staff photos you will see what I mean. If you've got half nekkid cougars running the place already I don't see how they could miss the top spot. Fear not, I'll still be at the Ten Mile.


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